she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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