it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
