woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
