He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
