HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
