Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
