And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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