I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize