Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
