i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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