Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
