Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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