so explain again why im purple
no
I think I died a long time ago.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
