it was like eating out sand paper
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize