I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
