WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Panties = found
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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