Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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