Kareoke will never be a sober sport
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
where am i from again
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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