her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
