I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
no you cant smoke seaweed
She's the barista slut.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize