maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
