I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
