Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
