dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
