i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
