my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
