So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
