We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
