i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
