so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
