I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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