so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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