sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize