I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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