I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
