this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
