Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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