It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
