both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
