Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
