i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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