i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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