well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
