Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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