Don't make out with my wife yet
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
