Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
