cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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