you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
