im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
