i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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