Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
