ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
