The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
