I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
