Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So squirting runs in the family.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
