First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
