When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
