Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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