You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
