wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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