yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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