I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
