I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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