We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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