So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
