Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it's like iHOP with fire
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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