hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
